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This guide is a companion to the Lagniappe Music Issue. You can find the other side of this coin through these links:

Music Festival Guide
Changing Face of Bonnaroo

Introduction:

This summer, many of you will be traveling to Bonnaroo for the first time. I remember my first time making the drive to Manchester and the uncertainty of what to expect as far as food, camping, crowds, money, etc. I read the Bonnaroo website’s various suggestions, tips, and rules; and I also had various individuals explaining what to expect. However, the website only gives you one side of the coin, and most of the people I had giving me advice were getting their trip financed by mommy and daddy. After experiencing Bonnaroo, I can honestly say that I learned quite a bit, and I feel it is beneficial information that will help the average working jane and/or joe survive Bonnaroo while creating a useful game plan. I’ m sure I will miss something, so feel free to comment.

Money:

Don’t come broke. Money is something you don’t want to take lightly. Sure you may tell yourself that you want to go as cheap as possible, but don’t do it. The only thing cheap at Bonnaroo is the smoking accessories, which are a steal. If I have my way, then I take $500 just to spend at Bonnaroo. That’s excluding any money for travel and eating on the way there and back. $500 to spend exclusively at the festival. If you take that much, you’ll have a great time and no worries if you budget. I usually get there with a little under $400, and it works out. However, I always feel like if I had another $100-$150, then it would have been perfect. I can’t really formulate the least amount of money that you should bring, and I know for a fact that some people don’t go with any and spend the weekend bumming everything from drugs to food. I don’t care to be that person, and a majority of decent, productive members of society feel the same way. This is a guide for average working stiffs not Trustafarians and (to put it nicely) people with a more “communal” philosophy.

Clothing:

I suggest steering clear of sandals and flip-flops. Even my feet (which are like leather) didn’t last for more than a few hours at my first Bonnaroo. You will spend 90% of the time standing or walking. If you wear Chuck’s, buy some Dr. Scholl’s. Otherwise, take some extremely comfortable shoes made for walking or hiking. I don’t care how dorky it looks; it’ll be worth it.

After last year, I think that a bandanna is also a good idea. It gets extremely dusty if it doesn’t rain. A wet bandana draped across the mouth does wonders. Otherwise, you will get a good case of what we call the “Roo Flu” and spend a week coughing up the earth your lungs have ingested. While speaking of diseases native to the festival, you can also get a healthy case of leg chafe (Bonnarrhea), but baby powder can knock that shit out.

Take light clothing, and more than enough changes of clothes. It’s going to be hot, and it could rain (you’ll be praying for a daily shower). Wet clothes suck, especially at Bonnaroo. I would say take a poncho, but the heat is usually so intense that the last thing you’ll want to do is cover yourself in plastic.

Take a backpack and carry anything that you think you would need at all times like rain ponchos, hats, snacks, water, etc. Take a hat. Shade yourself from the sun.

Water:

When it comes to water, think of Bonnaroo like Frank Herbert’s sci-fi epic Dune. Water is your best friend. Stay hydrated, and don’t rely on the water stations. More than likely, you will be getting messed up on some sort of exotic chemical, so make sure you stay hydrated. “Camelbacks” are awesome for Bonnaroo.

Some of the water at the water stations is potable and will do the trick, but it’s not very tasty. Take way more than what is needed. You can use an ol’ shrimping trick and freeze quart milk jugs. That way, you can keep your groceries cold and eventually drink the water found within. One to two cases of water per person is usually enough. We did two per person at Roo 03, and we had enough to bathe with in the end. We’ll talk about the bathing later. I can’t say enough how much you need to stay hydrated by water not beer and soft drinks exclusively.

Driving and Parking:

As far as Roo is concerned, we are very lucky to have our geographic location. As far as the State Patrol is concerned, Alabama’s boys in blue seem to treat it as any other weekend, so drive as such. As far as Tennessee is concerned, you have to understand that this festival is pouring millions into the local economy. Every exit from the state line to the Roo Exit will benefit from the Roo community. So, the multitude of rock slaves making their way into their community is a welcome sight. It is rare that you will encounter a cop that will give you the “We don’t like you long-haired hippy types ’round here” attitude. However, the last day and day after the festival is a different story. The police presence is definitely seen as they are ready to get the “long-haired hippy types” out of their part of the country.

One point of interest that you might need to keep in mind is the exit found right before (or maybe two exits before) the Roo exit. On this exit, there is a HUGE obnoxious gas station, a Ruby Tuesday’s (this will look like Ruth’s Chris when Roo is finished with you) , and a Super Wal-Mart for picking up last minute supplies. STAY AWAY FROM THE SHONEY’S IN BETWEEN ROO AND THE ALABAMA STATE LINE. I know I probably don’t have to say this. Sometimes, nostalgia kicks in, and we’re reminded of when Shoney’s had the kick-ass breakfast buffet. Last year, I watched a woman scrape eggs off of a yellow cube resting in a plastic bin straight into the chafing dish. You’ve abused your body for three days; give it a break.

The path into Roo has improved greatly since my first experience. One thing is for certain: GAS UP BEFORE YOU GET THERE. This serves two purposes. 1. You don’t have to worry about running out of gas getting to your camp spot. 2. You ESPECIALLY don’t have to worry about running out of gas on the way out. This is a big problem, and you don’t want to be one of the people contributing to it. EXPECT A WAIT GOING IN. In 2003, you got into the festival grounds by pulling straight off the interstate onto a two-car wide strip of impromptu asphalt which led through a barbed wire cattle fence. We waited 8 hours on the interstate to get in. These days, they have you pull off the interstate ramp and Manchester’s finest guide you down a couple of side roads into the festival grounds. Don’t expect a roadblock coming in. In fact, the police are all smiles and salutations. Remember, you are contributing to the local economy. If you are geographically savvy, then this tip is for you. Try and get off on the exit before and navigate yourself through Manchester proper, so that you will position yourself getting in line on the overpass instead of getting in line on the interstate. If you are with a caravan, the cops are usually very helpful in keeping your group together, so don’t be pushy and ask nicely as you come to intersections. As you make your way in, there are a few pieces of private property (ie. people’s houses) that you can park and camp on, but I feel that you absolutely won’t get a full appreciation for the experience unless you do the camping thing. The later you get there, the father away from the music you will be. The positive aspect of this is that you’re farther away from the crowds. The negative is that it’s a long walk.

Security going into the grounds is a common sense thing. Make sure to tell them if you are with a caravan, so you can stay together. If you roll down your windows to hand them your tickets and your car belches pot smoke, then they will search you. If you have ANY kind of glass whatsoever, they WILL take it from you without any qualms about it. They always want to look in the trunk and any coolers they find. There are always brown mountains of full beer bottles resting at the security point. So, don’t take any glass. Bring cans unless you want your beer taken, and stash any illegal substances. They are officially not allowed. Don’t try and convince yourself that you are too slick for security. They will confiscate with extreme prejudice.

Once onto the property, take it slow, and stay in line. Don’t be a dick. You’re not the only person who has driven and waited in line all day. Once we enter the grounds, a case of cold beer is usually opened, and we start downing them as fast as possible.

Camping:

You are definitely roughing it at Bonnaroo. After parking, you will be given approximately 10-15 foot by 10-15 foot to set up camp. It’s always best to go with a caravan and park together. That way you have your own little Roo community. This is once again a “Don’t be a Dick” situation. Don’t be pushy and overstep your camping boundaries. Be a kind member of the Tent City community. That includes keeping your camp clean. At the gate, they will provide you with more than enough bags to throw away all trash.

Bring a tent to sleep in and a dining tent or tarp of some sort to escape the sun. I found a cheap-ass dining tent for like $20 at Academy. As long as it blocks the sun, you’ll be OK. Make sure that you take the hardcore tent stakes (spikes with the green at the top). You will probably have to buy them, but it’s worth the money. The ground there is very hard, and the tin-foil spikes that come with your tent will not work.

You can also find battery powered fans at Academy and good ol’ Wal-Mart that are inexpensive. They come in handy at night. There’s no need to bring an alarm clock. The heat will wake you up around 8 or 9 am daily unless you’re totally wasted (we’ll get to that later as well) . Probably one of the greatest things you can take to Bonnaroo is the small rolls of “Camping Toilet Paper.”

These are small rolls of toilet paper encased in a plastic dispenser. They are compact and convenient in many ways. The port-o-lets go really are tolerable, especially early in the morning or late at night. I can’t convince people, but I assure you that they are on par with the NoLa Jazz Fest, which I’ve found to be satisfactory. A septic tank truck circulates 24 hours a day cleaning them, and they usually leave TP. However, that doesn’t last long, and you sure as hell better be safe than sorry when it comes to healthy bowel movements, which you will definitely have hopefully more than once. There are a million other uses for the camping TP, and you will be glad you took it. Take it with you everywhere.

When you leave, lock anything of worth in your trunk or car. Don’t leave it in the tent. Outlaws will take a knife to your nylon tent in a heartbeat and take anything found within. Also, establish landmarks to find your way back. Don’t rely on other people’s flags. Choose the balloons, buildings, trees, etc. to find your way back. They have streets laid out, but that gets sketchy late at night.

Most important, make friends with your neighbors. Our first year, our neighbors were seasoned Spreadheads. They were very friendly and ecstatic to trade a couple of burgers they were grilling for some of our Kraft singles. We had our most memorable neighbors our second year at Bonnaroo. They were Manchester natives, and we spent every night laughing our asses off and had a great time. Neighbors will make good company and look out for your campsite when they’re there. You should do the same.

I think it’s time we cover bathing. I bathed the first year I was there. We even figured out a better way of doing it in comparison to waiting in line at the water stations. Take a five-gallon bucket and fill it with water. If you’re not into going natural, then put on your underwear or a bathing suit. Place one foot in the bucket and wet yourself down from head to toe. Apply soap and shampoo and scrub. After you’re done, rinse with the water remaining in the bucket. If you have spare water, then use it. This made-do and was a lot more thorough and comfortable than the water station.

There is the other alternative: don’t bathe. This is what I’ve done the past two times. I’m sure that people go to Roo with the hope of hooking up, but it’s not one of my concerns not only because I’m married but also because most people aren’t bathing. I’m even one of those people who are usually compulsive about a daily bath. I change underwear and clothes, but I don’t bathe at Bonnaroo except for washing my hands, arms, and face. I usually do a mediocre whore’s bath before I leave, but I decided last year that even this isn’t worth it. Trust me, once you see the other people there, you’ll understand that the way you look and smell is irrelevant. Plus, it’s always fun to see the look on the waitresses face at the first restaurant you stop at on the way home.

Food:

This became a subject of debate with my traveling companions and I after the first Roo we went to. Sure, you can save money by buying groceries before you go (you definitely don’t want to have to buy groceries there because of the prices), but you spend almost as much if not a tiny bit more eating food there than you do when you bring it with you. You just have to be careful with the food you buy. You want to steer clear of all the big-time concession stands. The lot kids usually have pretty good stuff. You can find fajitas, burritos and sandwiches of all types for a very inexpensive price. There will also be several lot kids with “the best grilled cheese at Bonnaroo.” You’ll spend $8 or less on most of this stuff. The best we had were called “Jerry Rolls.” These were HUGE homemade egg-rolls topped with homemade duck sauce and just up the road from the tent. They were a godsend and delectable. The closer you get to the concert area, the more expensive it will be. Be prepared to pay out the ass for any kind of food in the concert area. Be charitable, and support the local community organizations selling their wares.

Shopping:

As stated before, if you are into tobacco accessories, then Roo is the place for you. You will find the best deals on pipes, bongs, papers, etc. There is also an endless supply of eclectic outer wear both manufactured and homemade. Don’t expect to find much merchandise cheap. Shakedown St. is the epicenter of commerce in Tent City. You can’t miss it. You can find everything from vendors to tents that give away a free alcoholic beverage with the purchase of a $5 cup. The best cup seller is called “Don Juan’s.” It is a large tent with AC, plush rugs, comfy couches and nightly entertainment that is guaranteed to at least be unique. As far as Bonnaroo t-shirts go, you can do the honest thing and buy Bonnaroo endorsed merch, or you can buy from independent shirt makers. If you do take this route, wait until the last night to purchase them. They’ll be $30 on Friday and two for $10 on Sunday night. It may seem like these ragtag vendors disappear, and thoughts of not getting a shirt may set in. However, they’ll be all over the place with shirts wet with dye as the last band of Roo finishes their set. I have also heard Roo-ban legends concerning strip clubs and even brothels in tents somewhere in Tent City, but I have never found any evidence.

Drugs:

Let me begin this section by saying that illegal substances are not allowed at Bonnaroo. If you are caught by security (especially going in) with them, then they will take them. I guarantee this. Now that we have that out of the way, many people view Roo as the National Narcotic Trade Show, and I can’t argue with them. The big thing last year was “Diesel Bud.” You could find everything from shirts to posters dedicated to this strain of marijuana. There was even a guy selling air-tight magnetic boxes that would fit under your car, so you could “take home all your stuff from Bonnaroo.” You can find any kind of chemical stimulant both natural and man-made at Roo. Most of the time, you don’t even have to leave your camp. Everything is usually fairly priced or a better price than you would get at him. I noticed that at my first Roo the trade was overlooked in Tent City, and you would usually walk back to camp with a steady mantra of “nugs, Mollies, pharmies, opium, etc.” echoing in your ears and people with four foot bongs on the roadside toking away. This has changed greatly over the years, and the peddlers have gotten more low-key. One thing to keep in mind is that some parts of Tent City are divided by a public road. That means the cops can pick you up on this road if you are doing anything illegal.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you don’t want to get too wasted. Sure, it’s good to have an “experience,” but you’re an idiot if you go to Bonnaroo just to get messed up at your camp the whole time. First, you could O.D., and second, you want to actually go watch the bands. It’s silly to spend the money to go and spend three or four days getting trashed in a third-world environment when you can do that just as easily as home. One year, we were camped next four young people fresh out of high school. They spent all three days exclusively at their camp ingesting everything they could get their hands on. At the rate they were going, we got paranoid because we thought a couple of them would be dead when we returned, but they never left the camp. I see that as such a waste.

Concert Survival:

Security will search you thoroughly going through the gate. Anything they find (from drugs to booze) will be confiscated. You can take water in, and I suggest that you do. Use is sparingly to make it last unless you want to pay out the ass for water. Those little spray bottles filled with ice (it will melt) with the fans on them are also quite useful and will make you the hit of the crowd. If you want to go to the bathroom as little as possible, sip your water only when you absolutely have to have it. This will keep your body working and allow total use of liquid without waste.

If you smoke cigarettes, then make sure that you visit American Spirit’s Smoker’s Lounge. By getting on their mailing list, they will provide you with several packs of their smokes to try for free. We visited every day.

You will not be able to experience every single band, and many will be playing while you’re checking out another band. Set your priorities, and try to see something new. There have been many bands that have played in the past, and now I’m like, “Damn! I wish I would’ve seen them.” The Sonic Stage is great, and you can catch several big names doing Q&A before signing CD’s beside the stage.

The stage crowds have been very cordial in the past. You rarely have to worry about an extremely intense final push before the band starts. We only had one bad experience with a group of preppie Canadians. We knew they were Canadian because all they could talk about with each other was how they were Canadian. One was pushing another into us, and we were being very patient with them. Finally, the one being pushed reprimanded the pusher as the five of us were turning around to verbally confront them. I have never been in a fight at Roo and have only witnessed two very minor scuffles that were diffused quickly.

If you are one of those who are psycho about being as close to the stage as possible, it is not out of the question. It seems like the way they schedule the band on the main stage is by having a really big name play followed by someone less popular. While the less popular band is playing, another big name is playing somewhere, so the crowd dissipates. That’s when you have your chance to move up. At Roo 04, it was every person for themselves, and we camped at the front to see The Dead and James Brown up close and personal. It was totally worth it.

The newest thing that have instituted as of 07 (I think) is what I heard some call the “European” venue style (correct me if I’m wrong). You wait in line to get at the very front for the band you want to see. When they are finished, everyone in the section is ushered out and the next group of fans moves up. For The Police, we waited in line from the beginning of the day until 8 or 9 pm when they went on. It was totally worth the wait, but you have to understand that people will try to skip and bum off of you as much as possible. That gets really annoying, and you have to be on your game and tell them to get behind you.

Leaving:

You have your choice. You can either pack up during the day on Sunday and leave after the last band or wait until morning. The line may seem long on Sunday night, but it will die down eventually. The cops will be out, so watch your speed and don’t act a fool. The first thing you need to do is bag up your trash and throw it away. While easing through the tents onto one of the thoroughfares, have one or two people walk a few feet in front of the car to check the ground. The last thing you want is to have a forgotten tent spike pushed through your tire. By Sunday night, you will have had your fill, so take precautions to make sure your stay won’t be any longer that it has too. Use the “Don’t Be a Dick” technique leaving, and in a little while, you will have completed your Roo experience.

Tags: Bonnaroo, Concert, Cops, Driving, Drugs, Money, police, Security, Shopping, Supplies, Survival, Tent City, Water

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at 1:30 pm and is filed under Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.